Pumpkin Pie. Chai lattes. Fuzzy sweaters and falling leaves in rustic shades of orange, burgundy, and yellow. It’s nearing the official start to fall, and some of us are screaming at the top of our lungs with excitement while others are sighing with resignation. It depends on the day, but lately I have been falling into the latter of the two. If I could just 

hold 

on 

to 

summer 

longer…. 

Our freak snowstorm a week ago sort of hindered any thoughts of a long Indian summer. Sure, we are back to eighty degree weather, and the trees have yet to lose their leaves (that’s a good thing considering often they fall in one fell swoop after a snow), but the cucumber vines and the squash plants… they have turned into that palish green color. The lawn too. Not such a dark, healthy green… but more of a fading into fall green. Even the sky has dulled slightly too– The bright blue of the summer now seems to bend to the light airy blue of fall time. Nothing is wrong with all of this per se (you fall lovers may still think I’m crazy!) but something in the season signals a shifting from days full of light and life into a time that is… well, less full of life. I’d find this discouraging… overwhelming in fact, as I watched my garden freeze under the first frost and the harvest slow considerably. That was until a whisper came on the light fall wind… 

“Fall is actually a new beginning.”

It’s funny that in all my years of living here, I have never thought to phrase it that way, but it truly is. Here’s just a few examples of these new beginnings: 

*School starting: The kids begin new grades with new teachers, new friends, new backpacks and new school supplies on their desks. 

*Sports: In both baseball and football a brand new chance is offered. MLB-  although it is almost through, with it comes a brand new chance in October for reaching the World Series. Teams that haven’t made it hold their breath in wonder… could it actually be their year? And the NFL- your team has a brand new chance to start out their season right!

*Fashion: It seems as if there are always new cozy sweaters, patterns, boots, scarves galore for this season. It’s a chance for a new wardrobe (and an excuse to get those boots that are on sale!)

* Coffee Drinks: It seems as if every fall there is a new fall line up of drinks. Pumpkin spice, creme brûlée, a cloud macchiato, anyone? (what is that anyway? I’m sure it is delicious!) But again, a wonderful new chance to change or vary up your palate even in the coffee industry!

*Babies! I know that I have several friends welcoming new babies this fall and nothing could be more exciting! I was born in the fall as was my little sister, niece and nephew. What a glorious time for something new to begin, best of all, a life. 

This season, although it is beautiful, it can honestly be quite a hard season for me. I hate falling away from the long days of summer, baseball, gardening and no school. I love having my kids around me without any homework involved. So fall can be tough, but I have challenged myself to see fall this year as a new beginning, not an ending. 

Here is one quote I found and posted on my facebook wall awhile ago: 

“She saw every ending as a beginning”

Naturallife.com  

I love that. Because yes, fall is an ending. An ending to the wonderful long days of summer. An ending to the carefree afternoons at the pool. An ending to staying up late past bedtime and hearing the crickets chirp. An ending to so many things I love and live for. But… the good news is it is a season of a new beginning as well. For there cannot be an ending without a new beginning right on its tail. 

So may this season of fall, this new beginning of sorts, be one that you run into with arms wide open. May we embrace the new adventures and challenges that come. May we not squirm away when things change or get uncomfortable but may we embrace it, knowing that God had the last season in his hand and he surely has this season too. 

(I cringe as I write this blog post because often I will make bold statements encouraging others in my blog only to be met with the challenge to live it out myself within the next day, week, or sometimes even hours!) 

But truly, God, would you take us all in your arms… hold us tight, steady, fast, during this time of transition. Whatever that may entail for each one of us. 

Whisper to us. We are waiting. Tell us once again… we belong to you. 

Here comes your gentle whisper now…“You are mine,” you say. 

I feel that truth reverberate all the way to my toes. 

I am yours. Your daughter, No matter where I walk or what I do, I am yours. That is a mighty safe spot to be. 

In that spot, I can confidently look at any change that comes and know without a doubt that somehow, someway God works it out. 

I can look at challenges that arise and not be fearful, because I know you are the God who holds my hand. 

I can look at the times to come, I can face the thoughts of tomorrow— because you are the faithful God. 

And even when the green, the newness falls away… I can know that there are new beginnings with you, God.

May it be true for you, too, dear friend. 

He is whispering to you now, “You are mine.” 

And there is no safer spot to be. 

May you find that in every ending, every change… there is a new beginning, 

And God is right there with you. Holding all your days. 

Until next time, 

PS. The fall scenery pictures above are from last year’s wonderful fall drive through Guanella Pass here in Colorado. I hope you get to enjoy the fall colors this year!

Sprinklers. Beautiful summer sunsets. The smell of fresh grass. The garden growing. Bicycles and laughter. Baseball.

These are the pleasures of simple summer days. 

• 

• 

• 

Here we are in mid/end of July but until this week… these moments had eluded me. Sure, I’d watch on while the kids ran in the sprinkler, or played catch in the yard. I’d encourage them to lay on the grass and watch the leaves sway in the breeze (isn’t that just the best?). Perhaps we’d take a nice bike ride and watch the sunset with its brilliant pink and orange hues over the Rocky Mountains. But in the midst of these simple moments, my mind was anything but still. 

This summer has been a different one, hasn’t it? Sure, we all have summers of “adulting” and regular work and chores. But this summer, with the pandemic, it feels like my mind has been on a search for the solution. It’s like trying to place the correct order of a puzzle—a figuring out of items both present and future… a preoccupation of sorts. It’s this knowing that somehow we need to get through this— but how? Somehow the puzzle pieces will line up if I keep working on it, right?  Then I can rest. But no matter how I work it, no matter how many times my thoughts go around… there is no where concrete to settle. There is no producing of the so-desperately-needed solution. 

I was talking to the Lord about this the last couple of weeks—how it feels like the simple joys of summer are being upended and replaced with this puzzling, wondering and swirling thoughts— and God, as sweet and gentle as He is, doesn’t give me a lesson on “doing more” (exactly what my mind thinks I need to do). Instead, I feel His Presence settle upon me. His Presence has been there the whole time but now that I take a moment to reach out, to quiet my mind, I am reminded He is there. 

“But what about the solution?” My heart asks. 

It’s almost as if I feel his warm brown eyes on me as his gentle, loving presence surrounds me. 

“But what about this?” I whisper, outlining some of the concerns on my mind.

His hand on my back. He’s here and He’s listening. He cares.

“And this?” We go through my questions. One at a time until, they drop from my mind and instead a peace comes over me. 

He doesn’t rush me as I talk openly to Him… baring every part of my mind and soul. He already knows my thoughts… my feelings, emotions. Yet there is a great connection that happens when I (on-purpose) become transparent with Him.  

Have you ever experienced a friend or spouse or family member being there for you in just the right moment? Perhaps you spoke to them openly, and they listened. They didn’t judge or have pre-put together phrases to say or perhaps they didn’t even offer a solution. They just sat there with you, perhaps over a cup of tea or coffee, or maybe on the church bench after service, or maybe just over a long distance chat. It usually isn’t anything fancy— but that’s not important. The most important thing is that connection you shared. That you knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that they were there for you… when you needed them most. When your heart needed a bond. That’s how God’s been showing up for me this summer. Like the gentle friend who listens and is for me. 

• 

• 

• 

After this time of sitting together and sharing my thoughts, my heart with Him, and feeling His heart towards me too… a realization dawns on me: Perhaps I have been looking for the wrong “solution”. I have been looking for a solution that was of brick and mortar… something I could touch, feel, contain. Something that could be written down as a to-do list and if I followed it, it would lead me to the ultimate solution. But after sitting with Him… my cheeks warm in embarrassment. 

“It’s you… isn’t it?” I whisper. 

His eyes are warm, accepting, and full of love. “Yes, Dear One,” He whispers and a surge of awe and reverence reverberates through me. 

No longer do I need to search for a concrete solution… no matter what other pandemic, trial, challenge or disaster comes. He is the solution. As long as I have Him with me, I have all I need. I have the ultimate solution. 

I may not be able to write it down, puzzle it out, figure it out… but I just have to hold tightly to His hand with the trust of a daughter with her loving Father. 

I know that this can come off as such a basic thought… but to truly live it out and experience it is such a powerful, wonderful, awe-inspiring journey. 

And this journey continues…. With God as my source. My solution. My all in all. 

There is such treasure to be found by coming to God in every circumstance. Just as we’d come to a friend. Or even perhaps more honest than we’d meet with a friend…messy “mom bun” hair (with growing out highlights! Ha ha) , pajamas on, morning breath or tears streaking down your cheeks… He is the friend who is there for you, just as He is for me. 

I read the verse this week, a verse I am sure you are no stranger to: 

“Do not let your heart be troubled. You believe in God, believe also in me (Jesus).” 

John 14:1

Before when I’d read this verse and my first thought would be— I know this is true. I know this is something I need… but HOW? 

The great news is God always equips us to follow His word. The ANSWER is Him- His Presence. 

The only answer to “not be troubled” is to come to him. Through prayer. Through sitting together. Through reading the Word. Yes, reading the Word like looking God in the eyes. Hearing his heart. 

So when we need a dose of His peace… something to slow the swirl of thoughts in our minds… sit with him. Look Him eye to eye through the Bible (the Book of John is a good place to start, or even Psalms- as it is filled with emotions and ups and downs but how the Lord was there for David just as He is for us). 

It’s these moments that put a peace and a calm into my soul. It’s the moments of being transparent with God, soaking in the great reminder that He is my all in all, my solution to every problem… that lead me to the freedom of enjoying the simple days, the simple moments of summer.

So excuse me while I go grab my favorite chai latte, sit on the porch and smile as my children squeal as they run through the sprinkler, this time with a lighter heart. (I encourage you to do the same. 🙂 )

Until next time, 

A few months ago I watched as my youngest daughter learned to ride her two wheel bike. I buckled on her helmet, set her on level ground, and it was time! I watched as she tippy toed down the parking lot—afraid to put her feet up. Then something wonderful happened… just as I was about to reach for the edge of her seat in an effort to guide her—her older sister and brother came up. “We got this,” they said with a smile. They each took hold of one handlebar and one edge of the back seat. They began to walk with her, and then run with her— holding on the whole time and saying things like “Hold on!”, “Pedal”, “Steer right”, and “Good job! You are getting it!” 

I watched from a distance– amazed. My youngest was learning and it was all possible because of her decision to get on the bike and her “helpers”. Her big sister and brother were holding her up while whispering words of encouragement and teaching. Before long, she left them in the dust as she rode alone her own smile so big. “I’m doing it!” 

This experience speaks to my own heart as well. When I am faced with something that looks big, daunting, intimidating, unsure…. I try to tip toe around but then, in an instant, I feel a Helper at my side. Jesus promised to send us a Helper to teach us, to guide us: 

And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever. 

John 14:16

Yes, this is the Helper that has one hand on the handlebars and one on the seat of my life. He’s the one whispering the encouragement and guidance my heart needs most. 

Although He is often behind the scenes… I recognize that He’s been there all along– My first challenge, my current challenge, future challenge and all the challenges in-between. He’s constantly there and reminds me that I am a child of God. 

The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children.

Romans 8:16 

The Helper’s job is to direct us into all Truth. 

But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come.

John 16:13

Yes! My heart cries. That’s exactly what I need—something solid (Truth) to hold onto these days. 

So I encourage you (just as I encourage myself)—

Hold onto the Helper 

Know He is there for you 

He never stops until the job is completed 

Even then he is always available for the next thing

Invite him into current situations

Listen  to his promptings

Trust His way, His plan

Live  life confidently 

Know, without a doubt, that He guides us into all Truth. 

MELANIETALEVSKI.COM

Until next Time, 

PS.      It is amazing how the Holy Spirit can also use us to step in and help each other—just like the older kids helped little sister on her bike the other day. I know I have been on both the giving and receiving end of these kinds of interactions and they bless my heart. 

I know I have been missing from my blog posts for awhile… the words would stir in my spirit but not quite make it onto the page in the right order. It can be like that during uncertain times. Thanks for being patient with me and letting me be authentic. Hugs to all of you!  

Summers when I was a kid were filled with: games of baseball in the culdesac, riding bikes down the greenbelt, licking popsicles as they dripped in the summer warmth, and visits to family and friends. One of the family members I liked to visit best was “Aunt Susie”, although she wasn’t truly related to us at all. All of the kids, probably even the adults, at our church came to know Susie and she wasn’t content to leave it at that. She’d shower hugs, attention, and love on us and immediately we all knew, regardless of relation, she was and would always be “Aunt Susie”. 

It’s interesting that just a week or so ago, I was reminiscing about “Aunt Susie” to my family, wishing with all my heart that somehow they would have had the chance to know this wonderful lady. It was coincidental then, when just this week, a childhood friend posted a picture of her “Aunt Susie” (truly related). I hadn’t seen a photo of her in years and I scrutinized it with my now adult eyes. The first thing that stands out to anyone who knew her was her smile. Her smile was big and wide and just seeing it made me feel like I knew Jesus more. Her eyes were often crinkled up in laughter. Next, she had dark brown hair and I do remember her often wearing a skirt. I don’t know if that was typical on her farm or if it was just the fact that usually I saw her at church and she had “dressed up” for the occasion. All I know, is no one could be around Aunt Susie without feeling more blessed afterward. She had a way of exuding Jesus at every turn. 

Today in my devotional time, Colossians 3:16 was the central focus: 

“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly.”

-Colossians 3:16

 As I thought and meditated on that verse, the picture of Aunt Susie came to mind. I realized this verse was one she truly lived. She didn’t just “act kind” or “smile a lot” or “think of others first”. No, she had the word dwelling richly and deeply on the inside and that word transformed her and made her like Jesus. She wasn’t trying to be like Jesus, she was just so full of Jesus that her actions, attitudes and love showed it. 

Maybe that is what the world needs now more than ever. While there is a constant tug of war urging people to be kind… loving… perhaps we should realize that people will never act like Jesus until they are filled with Him. I mean, is it little wonder that problems break out all over the world when people are not giving God the first place in their lives? Truly, when we scale it back we realize we cannot give what we do not have. So the solution then, is to fill up to overflowing by “dwelling with the word and with God richly”. Only then will the attitudes of our hearts and the actions in our lives correspond with kindness, love, acceptance, peace… and all the fruit of the spirit. 

Aunt Susie, I am sure, would be surprised to hear she is definitely on the first portion of my personal list of “Heroes of Faith”. She would probably wave her hand, dismissing the notion. “It’s all about Jesus,” she would say, her smile beaming wide, her eyes crinkling in joy. But she is on my list and truly inspires me to become the type of person that God wants me to be. No, not by following a list of rules or “trying harder” but by her example of being filled with the Word. 

I will always remember the first time I entered Aunt Susie’s house. It was a lived in farmhouse and perhaps not outstanding in any way. Yet, there, I saw the truth. Every cabinet, every wall, every free space was plastered with papers or index cards with scripture on them. The way they differed in appearance, some weathered and worn and some new and crisp, one knew that she was constantly filling herself with the Word. It wasn’t just a “one and done” thing. No, it was a constant thing. 

I also remember one time going into her backyard for a party. I believe it was a birthday party she was throwing for her father. The table had a bowl of punch on it and there were cookies and cake. Us kids eyed the table hungrily waiting for when we could have the special treats. The adults did a little talk about James— what they had appreciated about him— and everyone wished him a happy birthday. I remember Aunt Susie then turning to us children and saying, “Wouldn’t it be nice for the kids to share a scripture song for Grandpa’s birthday?” Immediately my stomach went to my feet. A song straight from Scripture? I could sing “Jesus Loves Me” or something like that… but a song verbatim from the Bible? My mind went blank even through more than anything I wanted to sing to fulfill sweet Aunt Susie’s request. Us kids were quiet for a moment, trying to think about what song we could all possibly know that was rooted in scripture.  Being the sweet Aunt Susie she was, she gently came up and put a hand to our backs. “How about 1 John 4:7-8?” She wiggled her eyebrows and smiled. Oh yes, I knew that one and was confident my younger sister and some of the other kids would too. We started to sing:

Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. So Beloved, let us love one another.

-1 John 4:7-8 

Somehow, even now—twenty five plus years later—the words of this song describe Aunt Susie (and what she lived for each day) perfectly. She was born of God, knew God deeply through relationship and His Word, and that love that welled up in her was shared with others. It’s only through this formula that True Love can be extended. Anything else is just a farce, just a surface type love. But the True Love that broadens smiles, adds joy sparkles to eyes even though difficulty…. That only comes from a deep, rich, constant relationship with the Lord.  

Aunt Susie continues to have such a remarkable influence in my life, someone I aspire to be like. Like her, I want the Word of God dwelling in me richly… overflowing me until it is all others see. It’s God’s love in me. It’s not a love that is manufactured or a forced belief or lifestyle… it is just a gentle overflow of all the good God is pouring into me. 

Thank you, Aunt Susie, for your inspiration. I can’t wait to catch up on life together in heaven and see your beautiful smile again. 

Until next time, 

It was on purpose that Sunday afternoon, I put my tender little plants out on the back patio where they experienced a bit of the rain. Hardening they call it. The plants have been inside since their birth and now it is time for them, one day at a time, to experience the outdoor elements so they can be planted later this week and enjoy living life as a plant should- in the open and rich soil with rain, sunshine, and eventually a harvest. As I  arranged the little plants, my phone dinged. Ah, a message from a friend—asking how I was doing with my very recent ninety-year-old grandma’s passing. Of course, tears sprung to my eyes and my middle did that whole “twisting about” thing that often comes with bouts of grief. 

“Okay,” I texted back with my index fingers, because I have never been talented with my thumbs. I looked out at the yard before me, the plants and was amazingly struck by the similarity between the plants and me. Here, they had been sheltered and warm, safe inside. Now, it is their turn to be exposed to the elements. Oh, how I can’t wait for the day they get to put their roots down in the warm soil and put their faces towards the sun. I snapped a picture of the plants. 

“I’m gardening today. Here’s the plants.” I sent the picture along with it.

“Oh nice!” She commented. 

My eyes misted up. “They are out in the rain so they can enjoy the sunshine here soon.” The irony wasn’t lost on me or my friend. 

After a few more minutes of chatting back and forth, I went inside. What a week it has been. The crazy thing about grief, as you may know, is that one moment can be filled with happy memories and the next moment you find yourself sad, missing that person terribly. Or a realization will come to you… I won’t ever receive any more texts from that person, or send a card in the mail for that person,  or hear that person’s laughter again. Thank God He gives us grace through those moments until the sun shines again and we remember their eternal destination and how more than anything that is what you want for them. 

Two years ago, I remember when we told our youngest daughter (age four at the time) that a family friend went to be with the Lord, she smiled, “he gets to go to heaven! She said from her pure heart. 

 I smiled through the tears, “Yes, yes he does”. 

“Then why are you crying mommy?” 

 I smiled at that too. She was right of course, why cry when someone is going to the place they most joyously have looked forward to their whole lives? I mean it is the destination of all bucket list destinations. I answered, “I’m not crying for him, I am crying for me. I am going to miss him.” 

Oh how I wish little kids didn’t have to learn about grief. I think it is one of the hardest things in the world to stand by and see as your kids grow up and experience more of this broken world that you cannot protect them from. It’s heart breaking, yet in this chance of walking along life with them, it’s teaching moments and moments that will remain with them if we place the God perspective inside of them. 

So this same daughter held a very close relationship with Grandma H. At the beginning of this whole process, I dreaded telling my now six year old daughter that Grandma was being transported to the hospital and may be going to heaven soon. I told her and she looked surprised, then smiled again. “She gets to go?” She asked almost as if it wasn’t fair. As if Grandma was taking a special trip and leaving us all behind. 

Again, I smiled. “Yes, isn’t that great news?” I said catching her child-like view of it all again, but still the tears burned the back of my throat. We sat with it for awhile and the next day, we cried together. It hurt to see hysterical sobs coming from my six year old as she clutched a unique and humorous card her great grandma had given her. “But we won’t see her again,” and she cried all over again with the card in her hand. 

I smoothed her hair, my tears mingling into it, “We will, dear one. Just not here. We will be together when Jesus brings us all to heaven.” The tears still kept flowing on both of our cheeks. Grief is sure nasty and sneaky, but dare I say… necessary? Yes, it’s  a part of life. As much as I wish it wasn’t. 

So, Sunday, when this friend texted me asking how I was doing, I wasn’t sure what to say. Happy one moment, sad the next. Unpredictable. And you know what? That is okay.

I saw a quote this week that basically said:

“I chose to experience all the things so I can also experience joy.”

Perhaps I am a bit late to the ballgame, but here in my upper thirties, I am realizing that this thing called LIFE is something that we must wholly grasp onto— all of it. It’s messy. It’s confusing at times. It’s also wonderfully peaceful and glorious… more glorious than a beautiful sunrise or sunset over the ocean. But to enjoy the good moments, there are times of slogging through the not-so-great. Sometimes it means the boring, sometimes it is the painful. It can be losses, a season of loneliness, difficulty in different areas. Walking here isn’t really anything nice. Nothing that anyone would look forward to, but then… then the sun peaks up and because you endured the rainy days… now you can enjoy the sunshine. 

And you know what? 

Monday, the day after the rain, as I went downstairs to check on my plants, I got a surprise. There on one of the leanest, tallest stocks was a freshly bloomed sunflower. It hadn’t been open the day before. But there it was putting its face to the sun after a long day in the rain. 

And that, my dear friends, is the key to it all. 

In the sadness, in the happiness, in the lean times, in the abundant times, in every messy and wonderful season of life… we must keep our faces to the SON. 

It’s the Son who shines down on us and gives us all that we need. 

It reminds me of this wonderful old hymn: 

O soul, are you weary and troubled?
No light in the darkness you see?
There’s light for a look at the Savior,
And life more abundant and free!

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

Through death into life everlasting
He passed, and we follow Him there;
O’er us sin no more hath dominion—
For more than conqu’rors we are!

His Word shall not fail you—He promised;
Believe Him, and all will be well:
Then go to a world that is dying,
His perfect salvation to tell!

–Helen H. Lemmel “Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus”

So, today, whether you are in a moment of rain, clouds, thunder, or pleasant sun, 

Keep your eyes to the Lord. I will too. 

He is all we need. 

Until next time, 

I am so excited for our sweet seedlings to be planted outside! I know they are craning their necks towards the sun perhaps trying to get a good look out the window at the garden they will be eventually planted in. Yes, even the outdoor planters are ready– filled with soil and positioned to their best advantage. But the weather… the weather has us waiting and we would rather be safe than sorry with our fragile little plants.

Here’s a picture from planting day:

And here they are just babies– the beginning of April (don’t mind our furry neighborhood pet in the background)

Here’s the same plants this week- May 10th! Wow! Amazing, huh?

You see it too, don’t you? The way they are tipping their sweet heads towards the sun– wishing, waiting for the day they will be planted outdoors and will begin to produce the harvest they were meant to.

I can’t help but look at this whole process and see how it resembles our own spiritual growth process as well. God has prepared the soil, planted the seeds (even if it is in a sheltered place at first). Slowly the stem grows upward– the leaves gently unfold. With constant care and sunshine, they start to grow taller and taller. It seems the plants themselves know what they are meant to do and they do it. But there is much more. So so much more. In fact, their journey has just begun. Soon they will be transplanted outside where the soil is warm and the air is pure. They will adjust and thrive and not too long after, blooms will start where the fruit will eventually be. Then later, comes the harvest.

As I care for the plants each day, the scent of the little tomato plants brings back the smell of the garden last year– with an overabundance of leaves and vegetables. Doing what it was meant to do. I know that although these plants are small, they too will grow big and be fruitful.

So in our waiting, our waiting to do exactly what we were meant to do– the dreams God has placed in our heart– don’t grow weary. Know that your time is coming. Soon you will be thriving in the spot God has especially for you, and as we know… soon after comes the harvest.

If we faint not.

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” – Galatians 6:9

So keep blooming, keep growing!

Until next time,

In our house, it is not uncommon to hear the country-like strains of “Home, Finally Home” crooning from the sweet voice of my six year old. She picked up the song from a movie and will sing it anytime anywhere, but especially when returning from a long day at school or a long outing where all she wanted to do was be “finally home”. She would lay her backpack down, kick off her shoes and plop down on the couch— burying her head in the pillows and relishing the deep feeling of truly being home, happy, and able to relax. 

I can relate— I have always been one who likes to be home. Don’t get me wrong; I love adventures— especially being out in nature, seeing sights I have never seen before, taking in a peaceful or majestic view. But there is something just wonderful about being home. I know that is true for my husband too, as he traveled and lived many places overseas before finding his home here in Colorado and creating his life and family here. Something within each of us likes to be home. It’s that feeling of belonging. It’s the feeling of being safe, loved for who you are, and able to “let down” in every way. 

During this whole pandemic we have all been home more than we ever imagined. I am blessed in the fact that I have been able to enjoy days filled with checking in on the garden, making a new recipe, homeschooling the kids, taking a walk. Yes, the last six weeks or so, we have had our fill of our natural home. But… why it is then that my heart still seeks after the true “Home, Finally Home”? Something in my heart is so happy and thankful for what I have here, but there is a constant yearning, constant groaning in my heart for my home: Not this home situated in a suburb neighborhood of Denver with it’s green lawn, garden and flowers, a comfortable inside and relaxing outside. Oh how much I appreciate and love my natural home, but still my heart cries out for “Home, Finally Home”. Have you felt that own yearning in your heart as well? 

The Bible says,  “Our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ” (Philippians 3:20). It reminds me of a hymn:

This world is not my home I’m just a passing through

My treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue

The angels beckon me from Heaven’s open door

And I can’t feel at home in this world anymore

Oh Lord, you know I have no friend like you

If Heaven’s not my home then Lord what will I do

The angels beckon me from Heaven’s open door

And I can’t feel at home in this world anymore

– Jim Reeves This World is Not My Home

Yes, this yearning is for the Kingdom—God’s Kingdom. It’s the deeper and fuller life God meant for us to experience even here on earth. It was how life was for Adam and Eve before sin entered the world. Can you imagine how their hearts ached for their “home” after they had been sent away from the garden? Their hearts cried out for being near God again. This cry continues today… but the good news is that Jesus came as restitution for sin. He restored us our original position with God by taking away all sin through His death on the cross. Because of Him and what He did for us, we can now live with a hope to see our “Home, Finally Home”. It’s a possibility, not just a desire. One day those who believe in Jesus will return to our home. The cry and the longing of our hearts completely filled. 

So when the cry for your true home sounds from your heart, just as it does from mine— rest assured— if you have made Jesus the Lord of your life you will experience that final home. The home where “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain” (Revelation 21:4) It will be the place we feel completely whole, safe, and free. 

So no matter what this life brings, let’s hold onto His Promise— He will come back and take us home (John 14:3). In the mean time, while still on this earth, we know trials will come our way but even then He will be with us to the end of the age (Matthew 28:20). He “came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance [to the full, till it overflows]” (John 10:10).  Yes. We can take hope that surely these promises will come to pass. 

Heaven- our heart’s true home. There, we will all stand together and belt out the songs that come from our hearts…

and I have a feeling that my song (as well as my youngest daughter’s) will be “Home, Finally Home.”  

Until next time,

“It can’t beat us!” Pa said.

“Can’t it, Pa?” Laura asked stupidly.

“No,” said Pa. “It’s got to quit sometime and we don’t. It can’t lick us. We won’t give up.”

Then Laura felt a warmth inside her. It was very small but it was strong. It was steady, like a tiny light in the dark, and it burned very low but no winds could make it flicker because it would not give up.” 

– Laura Ingalls Wilder, “The Long Winter”

Little did I know in February, when I picked “The Long Winter” off the shelf, that it would whisper truths that would reach past the pages and into my modern life–even life with its new tilt of this whole pandemic. Originally I read the book to encourage me to get through the last of our cold Colorado winter. I mean, how could I complain when Laura and her family faced blizzard after blizzard in the winter of 1880-1881? 

But quickly, as the news of the coronavirus disrupted our lives, similarities began to leap from the pages of this book into our current situation. Even just the fact that the virus hit so suddenly, so unexpectedly reminded me of the blizzard that took over the town in “The Long Winter”. It just happened. One day they were in their little prairie house, the house they called home, and the next they were moving into the town to Pa’s store to live. No notice, no preparation. Sound familiar?  

I also was quick to notice how the Ingalls, even in the midst of waking up to silvery frost in the morning (even indoors), running out of wood for the stove as well as kerosene for the lamp and wheat for food… somehow, in the middle of all this darkness and time of need, the Ingalls held onto a sliver of hope, a tiny fraction of light. And that was what the book was all about. That’s what kept me turning the pages. Sure, I have a pantry full of food and ways to obtain more if needed. I have toilet paper, well-functioning wifi, a mound of books yet to be read. I have my family safe by. But… what about the tiny light in the dark? That, after all, seemed to be the main essential the Ingalls’ were not willing to do without. 

Let’s talk about this tiny, steady light in the dark. It doesn’t have to be a full out flame, even just a small spark will do. It can start as warmth that is small but strong. No matter what rails against it, it will not flicker or be put out. What is this “light” Pa and Laura spoke of? Is this light simply strength in spirit?  A never-let-go kind of stubbornness that each one of us can summon up?  

No, this true lasting light comes from something deeper. The Bible says of Jesus in John 8:12, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.’ ” Jesus is the light provider in our lives.

So how do we get this light? By following Jesus, specifically by putting our trust in Jesus as Savior and Lord (more information about that here https://www.agapelife.org/next-steps/ ). When we confess that Jesus is God’s Son and believe in our hearts we are saved. The light enters us never to flicker, dim or go away. 

But what do I do if I have this light, but still the darkness rages? What if I feel like the light won’t overcome? The good news is “The light (Jesus) shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never overcome it” (John 1:5). God’s light wins every time. No matter how big the challenge or how long it takes. 

I know in my life I have had several seasons of challenges, one of the hardest being a season after my third baby was born. During that time, it felt as if I were a panicked sailor on a small boat overwrought with damage in the middle of a raging storm. I was going down. But there was a small, tiny but strong light in the distance. The waves would hide it from me for a bit, but then they would toss and change and again, I could see that glimmer. It was always there. It wasn’t going anywhere. It was not flickering, or giving out or giving up on me and that gave me the amount of hope, of faith, I needed to get through that challenge. Now that I look back on this journey, I understand the reality of the whole situation is this: I was safe in God’s hand the whole time. Even when I felt my most hopeless, God was there- His light shining bright. He was next to me, pulling me out of the darkness and taking me safely home. 

So, whether you find yourself in a bleak winter like Laura did all those years ago where things went from bad to worse, or you find yourself at home dealing with unending challenges during this pandemic, or you even find yourself with a health scare of some other form of darkness that tries sweep you off your feet…. I encourage you to remember to hold onto the Light. Focus in on it, even if it seems far away or small. It is strong, steady, sure. God’s light will lead us through anything and everything that comes our way and before long you will find yourself amongst the last lines of Laura’s book, 

“As they sang, the fear and the suffering of the long winter seemed to rise like a dark cloud and float away on the music. Spring had come. The sun was shining warm, the winds were soft, and the green grass was growing.” 

― Laura Ingalls Wilder, “The Long Winter”

Spring is coming, dear friends, in each and every way. 

Until next time,

She arrives at my door this morning, looking much like Mary Poppins, only somewhat older and wearing a navy pant suit with floral shirt. She has a small kerchief tied stylishly at her neck and holds a stylish carpet bag in hand. “Hello my dear. My name is Ms. Grace. I heard you called?” She asks as she peers into my home, with my children in the background using anything but their inside voices, dirty pans and dishes galore. 

“I’m sorry… I didn’t call for any…  home services? Is that what you do?” I ask as I again look over her put together outfit opposed to my slippers and pj’s. 

“Oh, I know you did not call… but an order most definitely was placed.” She looks expectedly at the house, the chores awaiting. 

I’m no fool. If she wants to help, I’ll take it gladly. I open the door, “Please do come in.” 

The kids give her a glance and continue on in their game of indoor ball. 

“I guess you can start wherever—“ I said motioning to the main room full of clean laundry yet to be folded, pots and pans on the stove, and a sink full of dishes needing to be washed. Her eyes sweep over the computers and homeschool work scattered across the table, then to my children. There is no look of disapproval is in her eyes. Instead, just a large measure of kindness. Then her eyes swing over to me, and it’s almost as if I am transparent as can be. She smiles. “Let’s take care of you. It all starts with you.” 

“That sounds fine to me,” I shrug and smile.

She places her carpet bag on the table and reaches into it, one arm nearly engulfed in the large throes of such a bag. I hope she has an abundance of cleaning supply and perhaps even some toilet paper in that pack. Instead, she lifts from the bag her Bible, weathered and worn. 

“Sit,” she says as she opens the door to the backyard for the children to escape to play. 

Somehow I listen to this absolute stranger. I sit down with no resolve. 

Quick as I do, a cup of fresh tea appears at my elbow, and Ms. Grace settles in. She reads to me slowly, methodically from the 91^st Psalm. The words seep over my soul just like water sweeps over a long neglected houseplant. I soak it all in and feel better by the minute. 

“With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation,” She says the last words and closes her Bible. “And now, let us pray.” 

Sure enough her warm hand clasps mine as she prays words from the deep well of love for the Lord inside of her. As she gives my hand a squeeze, she says, “Now we are ready to go.” 

Again to the carpet bag she goes… this time pulling out an old-fangled cd player. She smiles shyly. “Not quite up with the times. Plug this in dear, and soon things will be fine.” 

I plug in the CD player, and press play. Sweet praise and worship flows from the stereo warming house, home, and deep inside of me. 

Ms. Grace hands me a sponge. “You wash I’ll dry.” 

I stick my hands into the soapy swirls and find joy… even in doing the dishes. We sing and laugh, and the presence of Jesus grows stronger each moment in the house. 

After several rounds of “Raise a Hallelujah” and a few more of “Yes I will”, the dishes are done. Ms. Grace hands me a fresh dish towel and we wipe down the counters, stack up the homework and more. 

No, it is not perfect, nor will it ever be… but a bit more organized and less overwhelming. 

Now, Ms. Grace goes to the door, allowing the children in one by one. I’m thinking perhaps she is like THE NANNY and will direct them one by one on keeping up the cleanliness of the house or not tracking in the mud. I watch expectantly as she introduces herself, and presses a hand to each child’s head as they pass through. “A blessing to you, and to you, and to you.” 

The children stop and glance up at her eyes. Just like my experience before, her eyes hold no disapproval or impatience. Instead, her eyes hold a great measure of grace. It feeds into the kids souls, just as it did mine, and soon we stand there stronger than before. Yes, the attitude of the whole house has changed! 

The day continues, with homeschool instruction. Each time, Ms. Grace lets me take the lead. She is at my elbow, always providing just what I need. A towel for the spilled milk and a gracious smile for the child who sits there looking on gultily. A squeeze on my shoulder after a children’s bout of frustration at their homework, leading me to give a kind hug instead of an impatient sigh. Even when the computer acts up and I can’t access the online classes, she is there with a smile. “Perhaps let’s count to ten?” She prompts. On and on we go all afternoon, and soon the knots in my neck ease and we settle into a… rhythm of sorts. A rhythm of grace.

I glance at the clock, it’s coming on five. Although I still wish she could take the lead (perhaps she will cook?), she has proved herself to be just what I need. 

At the end of the day, after supper is done (which by the way, I cooked with her by my side) she grabs her umbrella and bag.

“How can I ever thank you?” I say, my eyes sparkling with thanks. 

She smiles her gracious smile and proceeds to the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

My mouth stands a gape… tomorrow, again? What lottery did I win? To have her here, her help, her whispers…. It caused such a change within. 

“I’ll leave you with one last thing,” she says, her hand grasping mine. 

I nod in wide-eyed wonder. “Yes?” 

Instead of speaking, she hands me a slip of paper bent in two. “Read it tonight with the children, will you?” 

I smile and nod, curious for what’s to be read. I glimpse down at the paper and nod my head. 

“Oh I will, yes I will,” I say looking back up. But to my surprise the space before me stands empty. “Ms. Grace? Ms. Grace?” 

Then above me a shooting star lifts into space. 

I walk back inside still in awe at what I saw. 

The children draw near. “What is that, Ma?”

I look to the note then to each curious face. 

“Let’s read what it says, It’s from Ms. Grace.” 

So huddled together we read, 

“2 Corinthians 12:9, ‘My grace is sufficient for you—” 

“My strength is made perfect in weakness’,” it said. 

A smile lit upon each face, 

For yes, even tomorrow, 

we would have His Grace. 

And the peace that settled in our heart and head, 

Carried us all peacefully up to bed. 

*Thank you for reading my little slice of writing. I’ve never really written poems, so it amazed me that some of the story came out through rhyming. I hope this leaves you encouraged to open your door, for Grace comes knocking at your door each morning too.

I’ll look forward to our next time together.

Love,